And Then There Were Four: Becoming a Two Kid Family

“You’ve got this!” Three words I would hear all the time when pregnant with my second child. They were almost always followed by, “You already have a little one, what more could you need to know?”

Truth is, when we found out we were pregnant with our second, I was nervous. I was MORE nervous for number two than I was when pregnant with our first.

I knew having a baby would change things. Our social life would change, our routines would change and even our relationship would change. I knew that was inevitable.

But with baby number two, I didn’t know what to expect. We were so cozy as a little family of three, how would our established rhythm change? The unknown of becoming a two kid family was what made me nervous.

Since little sister’s birth late summer 2018, it’s safe to say things are definitely different. Things have changed in ways that I did expect, and ways that I could not have expected. Some of the things that have changed I absolutely love, and some are still up for debate. Some things we knew how to handle, and some things we had to learn from scratch.

But the truth is, kids don’t come with a user manual. Regardless of having one, two, three or ten, being a parent is a “learn on the job” kind of role. 

Adjusting to the challenges that come with growing your family is also something you must learn as you go.

I’m no expert, but here are just a few of the things that I’ve learned in the past 14(ish) months since becoming a family of four. 

Kids are different. Seems like a no brainer right? I knew they would be different, but I don’t think I knew just HOW different they’d be. The second child is never the same as the first, and you must start all over again. What may be true for one, may not be for the other. There are clear differences between them, and you must learn to adapt and change (or relearn) your way of thinking.

Take sleeping for example…

Exhaustion is real. Not to toot my own horn, but my oldest daughter was a pretty good sleeper when she was a baby. We knew she was setting the bar high in the sleep department, but didn’t know by how much. Little sister? Not the best. Definite room for improvement. I now know the true meaning of sleep deprivation.

Privacy does not exist. Think you didn’t get alone time before? Ha! There is NO such thing as alone when you have more than one child. In the shower, sitting on the toilet, brushing your teeth, making dinner - now there will always be someone right there beside you demanding your attention. Yes, even if dad is home. 

And with the lack of privacy comes…

You’ll never have enough hands. Honestly. My oldest needs a snack at the most inconvenient of times - when I started cutting raw chicken for dinner, when I’m in the bathroom, when I started feeding her sister (weird, eh?). And it’s not just a, “I would like a snack”. No, it’s a full on, “I need a snack now or I may starve to death.” One hand per child is not enough.

Time is a thief. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “The days are long, but the years fly by.” I knew this was true with baby number one, but since having number two, I live it every day. I feel like I’ve time travelled through the past year an a bit, and know that time won’t be slowing down any time soon.

Don’t mess with sibling love. Being the oldest of three, I understand the strong bond siblings share. But being able to sit back and watch it grow, is something truly special. While their love for each other wasn’t immediate, and they have their odd spats (which for right now include their fair share of grabbing, scratching and hair pulling), their relationship is amazing. The way they look at each other, make each other laugh and talk to each other in their ‘secret’ language that only they can understand, has made my heart swell to a size I never knew was possible.

And with that special relationship comes…

Sharing is caring. I’m happy my oldest knows how to share with her little sister, but having more than one child has taken sharing to a whole new level. This includes sharing illness. When it comes to sharing germs, no thank you. 

With big sister in preschool, I knew her bringing home germs was inevitable, but what I didn’t know was that it would be a constant cycle of cough, sneeze, rrunny nose, regardless of the season.

While there may be a lot of things to learn with being a family of four, one thing we can rely on is Children's Advil. In families with children in school, the number of colds per child can be as high as 12 a year (1)! So, when big sister comes home with a bug, Children’s Advil (for children age 2-12 years) provides her with up to 8 hours of fever relief so that she can get back to being a kid.

Life with a preschooler and toddler isn’t always easy, but it’s our new normal. It’s going to be a hard journey to raise these strong little ladies. I know I won’t end every day with a smile, but I’m ready for the challenge.

Do you have two or more kids? What’s the ONE piece of advice you would give to someone growing their family? I’d love to hear!

*Disclosure: I have partnered with Children’s Advil and have received compensation for this post. As always, all opinions and experiences are 100% that of To & Fro. Be sure this product is right for your kids, always read and follow the label.

References:
1. https://www.webmd.com/cold-and-fly/common_cold_overview 

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The Battle of the Bottle: Our Feeding Story

From the day they were born, our girls have been very different. From the colour of their hair, to their demeanour and everything in between, they are almost complete opposites.

This is especially true when it comes to feeding. 

From early on, our oldest was formula fed. And our youngest? At 11 months, is currently still being breast fed. I can count the number of times she's taken a bottle on two hands. The number of times it being formula, even less. The number of times I have been away from her and not nursed her, even less than that. So very different than my oldest. 

But, that all is about to change. As the end of my maternity leave quickly approaches, it’s time to start transitioning her off the boob and onto a bottle. And since I didn’t have to do it with my first, it gives me anxiety just thinking about it. BUT, it must be done. 

Today, I’m sharing our family’s feeding story - or, more appropriately, our “battle of the bottle”.

Before we get started, I think it’s important that I start at the very beginning, and share our breastfeeding journey to date (read more, here). It hasn’t always been smooth.

When we left the hospital with Morley back in 2016, I felt nothing but confidence. At least, as much confidence as a new parent could have. However, shortly after bringing baby home, I started to struggle. Breastfeeding became a struggle, and baby wasn’t gaining enough weight to make our family doctor happy. The next day, we made an appointment with the hospital’s lactation consultation. Minutes after stepping through the door, all of the confidence that I originally had flew out the window. “You’re doing it wrong” and “Try harder” are not words a new parent wants to hear. A new parent wants support, and that’s not what I was getting. I left the hospital feeling absolutely defeated - like something was wrong with me because I couldn’t feed my baby “like nature intended”.

After shedding many tears, I pulled myself together and realized fed was best. 

We turned to formula. She instantly took to the bottle and pretty soon after was at the top of the charts for a baby her age. This route also allowed dad to take some of the midnight feeding shifts and allow me to rest. Amen to sleep. 

And then, two and a half years later, little sister Berkley was born.

Like Morley, I thought her taking a bottle would be a walk in the park. How different could they be?

The answer? Different. Very different. Unlike her big sister, Berkley did not instantly take to the bottle. 

Unlike her big sister, Berkley was born on a weekday when the hospital offered a morning breastfeeding class. Having nothing but time while waiting to be discharged from the hospital, we went to the class. Why not, we thought. All I can say is that if that kind of support had been available when Morley was born, there’s a strong chance that I wouldn’t have felt the way I did.

Berkley instantly took to the boob.

Now that Berkley is almost 11 months old, and I’m starting to think about going back to  work and sending her to daycare, it’s time to start transitioning her off the boob and onto the bottle.

For 10 plus months, she has been used to the comfort of being breast fed, something taking a bottle lacks for her. I knew the transition would not be a walk in the park. 

So, how are we making out? Well, let me just say, we’ve still got some work to do before the end of August rolls around…

BUT, we have made progress. 

One thing that’s helped are the Philips Avent products we use. During her meals, she typically drinks water from a Philips Avent Spout Cup. Since we would be giving her a Philips Avent Natural bottle at night, one thing I did was switch out the spout cup nipple with the natural bottle nipple so that she would get used to it. These BPA-free bottles have an ergonomic shape for maximum comfort, making them easy to hold and grip in any direction. The ultra soft nipple more closely resembles the breast, making an easier transition from breast to bottle. Luckily, she had no problem drinking her water from the sippy cup with a bottle nipple. I thought it would be smooth sailing from there.

But then I remembered, there was the issue of my supply. Having introduced food months before, my milk supply has decreased and I stopped pumping months before. The freezer stash had been depleted. So, we turned to formula. But, she refused to drink it. So, with guidance from our family doctor, we introduced whole milk at 10 months. Now, that’s a different story. 

She isn’t 100% hooked on drinking whole milk from a bottle, but like I said, it is still a work in progress. The clock is a ticking though, and if I’ve learned anything from baby number 2 it’s that time flies and the end of August will be here before we know it. That battle of the bottle has got to end at some point.

So moral of this story? ALL kids are different - in shape, in size, in demeanour and even, in the way they feed.

My advice to new mamas? YOU do YOU. Do what feels best for you, best for your babe and best for your family. 

But it’s also good to have some trusted tools, like Philips Avent, in your back pocket. 

What are your tips for getting baby on the bottle? I’d love to hear!

You can find more about our parenting adventures AND our favourite Philips Avent products, here:

Lessons From My Toddler

Making the Switch: Formula to Whole Milk

Talking Daycare & Preparing for a Positive Experience

Two Months Later

What it Means to Be a Big Sister: From the Mouth of a Big Sister

Our Sleep Story: How We Got Our Kids to Go to Sleep - and Stay Asleep - in the Same Room

*Disclaimer: This post is in partnership with Philips Avent. I received products and/or compensation in exchange for this post. All opinions and advice shares are 100% that of To & Fro.

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Our Sleep Story: How We Got Our Kids to Go to Sleep - and Stay Asleep - in the Same Room

A few weeks ago, I posted a story on Instagram of the girls playing in their bedroom. From that story, I got quite a few questions - specifically if they share a room, and how we make it work. 

So, whether you are just curious OR are in similar situation, living in a small space with kids sharing a room, read on to learn about our sleep story.

First, let me go back to the very beginning when our oldest daughter Morley was born. We were living in a one bedroom apartment, and from day one we all shared a room. From day one, she was also a very good sleeper. By the time she could walk, she was literally putting herself to bed - she would walk to the bedroom and wait until someone lifted her into her crib. Yes, DREAM sleeper. 

Morley was just over two years old when we moved into our current 750 square foot, 2 bedroom condo. She went from having us in the same room to having her own room and sleeping in a big girl bed, in a brand new place. We honestly thought it would be a nightmare. BUT, again, dream sleeper. 

Then all of two point five seconds passed and little sister Berkley was born. 

For the first few months, Berkley was in the bassinet in our bedroom. But big sister wasn’t ok with that, and ended up in our bed too. 

I know what you’re thinking - why didn’t I just put Morley back in her own bed? Well, unlike Morley, Berkley wasn’t a good sleeper. The little energy I had from waking every few hours I wasn’t willing to spend on fighting with a toddler in the middle of the night. I needed my sleep, and that came at the cost of sharing our bed with someone who loves to sleep horizontally. 

Those first few months flew by and Berkley moved into her crib in the room they now share. We immediately did a happy dance, thinking it meant we’d have our room back. Wrong! Morley stayed in our bed. Berkley was still a terrible sleeper, waking too many times a night to count. And so her fussing, and me going in and out throughout the night, didn’t wake Morley (again, not willing to fight with a toddler int he middle of the night), we let her stay in our bed. 

Most nights I would be playing musical beds - I’d start in my bed, go to feed Berkley and come back to find my side of the bed completely taken over. As a result, I’d either end up on the couch or in Morley’s bed. I know that sounds awful, but it really wasn’t - it meant I got to sleep. Without fear of being hoofed in the head.

But eventually, that got old. It was time we got our bed back. We knew we needed to find a routine that worked, and commit to it. 

Before we could establish this routine, we had to deal with a few challenges that come with living in a small space, and with the girls sharing a room.  

First off, being 2 1/2 years apart, the girls have different sleep needs and habits. It’s not as simple as putting them down at the same time, and walking away. If one is sleeping, the other will fuss. It’s a vicious cycle of waking each other up. (Just one of the reasons we decided sleep training was not an option.) Reading them stories at the same time also doesn’t work. Morley can easily relax through two books, while Berkley is not able to sit still. 

The noise is also an issue. Our small space is anything but quiet. While the girls take care of the noise during the day, we also try to keep a certain noise level during bedtime so that they learn to fall asleep with it. Besides the soothing, this is one of the reasons we play “sleepy time music” at bedtime. We also have a white noise machine, and try to keep the TV at a certain level before dad and I go to bed for the night.

And then there was the issue of the second bedroom itself. Condos are a funny thing - in order to call a room a bedroom, it must receive natural light. The workaround? To create a glass wall, with a glass sliding door. No privacy, and all light all the time. Our solution was to frost the glass. It may not keep the light out, but it does prevent them from seeing us out in the kitchen and living room, and keep their severe FOMO at bay.

And so, ten months later, we’re currently working with this…

Our bedtime routine typically starts around 7:30pm. After bath and snack, dad will read Morley her two books (of her choosing) while I nurse Berkley out in the living room. Once I hear the sleepy time music start, and Berkley is drowsy enough (but not completely out), I put her in her crib. We both leave the room and let the sleep time music do the rest. If all goes well, both girls are down by 9:00pm. On a good night, they both stay asleep the entire night. There are, of course, variations of this schedule - teething, sick kiddos, visiting family, etc. Yes, it may not be perfect, and is a constant work in progress, but it’s what works for us and our current situation.

For us, maintaining this routine also means having items of comfort nearby. When it comes to bedtime favourites, they’ve both been very different. White noise, sleep sac, soother, books, headlamp, stuffy, glass of water and bottle - are just a few of the items they both enjoy to help them sleep. 

Some of mom and dad’s favourites? 

Philips Avent Natural Bottles - These BPA-free bottles have an ergonomic shape for maximum comfort, making them easy to hold and grip in any direction. The ultra soft nipple more closely resembles the breast, making an easier transition from breast to bottle.

Philips Avent Anti-Colic Bottles with Airfree Vent - These bottles are designed to reduce colic, gas and reflux. The shape of the nipple allows a secure latch and stays full even when the bottle is horizontal, allowing baby to drink in an upright position so that they swallow less air as they drink.

Philips Avent Soothie Snuggle - The same great Soothie that many families and medical professionals know and trust, but with a soft, lightweight snuggly toy to help make babies feel secure.

And so, that’s where we’re at in a nutshell. Like I said, not ideal, but we’re working with what we’ve got. And I’m happy to report that I can finally start using multiple hands to count the number of nights I’ve actually slept through the night and have not been woken up by a bed-hopping toddler or fussy baby. Snoring husband is a whole other story though…

What’s your sleep story? What does your kids’ routine look like? What works for them? I’d love to hear!

You can find more about our parenting adventures, and our favourite Philips Avent products, here:

Lessons From My Toddler

Making the Switch: Formula to Whole Milk

Talking Daycare & Preparing for a Positive Experience

Two Months Later

What it Means to Be a Big Sister: From the Mouth of a Big Sister

*Disclaimer: This post is in partnership with Philips Avent. I received products and/or compensation in exchange for this post. All opinions and advice shares are 100% that of To & Fro.

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